PLEASURE, HAPPINESS, CONTENTMENT
These three words are different ways of expressing our interpretation of subjective feeling joy or satisfaction. One of the three words are chosen to express our degree of satisfaction, type of joy, the duration of enrichment, whether it is casual or everlasting,, the significance of the event or activity ,the intimacy with which the event happened.
PLEASURE: A feeling of extreme gratification aroused by touch, sight, smell, hearing.
It is very short lived event of joy, satisfaction. and one may not attach much significance to it and forgotten sooner or later. Human kind seeks pleasure in everything and every minute of his life. It may be playing, watching T.V.reading traveling,, writing,pursuing outdoor hobbies,sexul activity,. eating at his or her favorite Restaurant
When a new friend is introduced in a big gathering we welcome with words” It’s a pleasure to meet you”
.Some seeks pleasure in pain although they are contrasting. Pleasure is an emotion whereas pain is a bodily sensation.
Pleasure centre is situated at the hypothalamus and when this centre is stimulated by the endorphins pleasure is experienced.
HAPPINESS: Unlike pleasurable moments happy times live in our memory for a longer
period although not for ever. When you meet your close friend after a long period you welcome him or her saying “I am happy to meet you” when the nostalgic moments of your togetherness flash back in our memory. Winning a lottery, matches, grand slam,, public recognition of your work, social service ,receiving awards, certificates, holiday with your family ,success in business,politics,living with all family members are all happy moments but doesn’t last for ever. But these moments leave with more wants and desires. Hence happiness is a journey and not a destination. Happiness is the key to success and success is not the key to happiness. When we accomplish something after a struggle happiness envelopes us.
We make all efforts to be happy but do not spare the time and inclination to relish it. This is making a bed all night and not sleeping
CONTENTMENT: This is blissful rapture of joy and gratification. This is achievable only after you have climbed up the pyramid of wants and desires and once at the top you draw a line of contentment. Contentment is not the final destination. It does not mean that a contended citizen should remain idle and sink into depression. After we have achieved our target in work, business,career and after having fulfilled our family responsibilities we should take up a hobby, or service which are of non-materialistic value. As we age we should introspect in silence for silence is the language of the soul. This meaningful second innings life assures bliss and contentment for there is no desires,wants,no more goals to score, no more hurdles to cross, no more boss to satisfy.
To get immersed in contentment one should in silence
1]LIMIT YOUR EXPECTATIONS
2]ACCEPT YOUR LIMITATIONS
3]ENDURE CRITICISM ,REBUKE,ABUSE,NEGLIGENCE
4]EDGE OUT “I””ME” EGO
5]NOT CARRIED AWAY BY PRAISE OR FLATTERY
6]WORDS OF FLATTERY SHOULD BE SWALLOWED, DIGESTED,
AND EVACUATED BUT NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO HEAD
7]UNCONDTIONAL LOVE FOR ALL.
8]KEEP YOUR MIND BODY ACTIVE WITH HOBBIES,SOCIAL SERVICE
9]MEDITATE IN SILENCE WHEN YOU ARE IN CONTACT WITH NATURE.
10]LIVE EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE WITH GRATITUDE TO GOD.
11]FORGET AND FORGIVE . LEST BAD MEMORIES WILL POISON YOUR MIND AND SOUL.
12]NEVER DELAY TO SAY”I AM SORRY” AND NEVER FORGET TO SAY “THANK YOU”
CONTENTMENT is a sense of fulfillment characterized by peace of mind free from wants,deires,worries etc.
Yoga, meditation, breathing exercises and concentration with commitment will contribute to the mind set of contentment.
In giving up what you don’t need you will learn what you really need.
.
Sunday, 19 July 2009
Sunday, 1 March 2009
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
This refers to the sense of grief and emptiness in the mind nest of the parents when their children after getting married
move out of the house to alternate city or abroad where better prospects are alluring.
The syndrome comprises of assortment of symptoms.
1]anxiety,2]depression,3]emptiness,4]loneliness,5]lack of sleep,appetite etc
It is the mother more than the father is affected with this syndrome for she had the best intimacy with the child from pregnancy ,breast feeding and in attending to the daily chores, whereas the affectionate father is more of a bread winner and family adminstrator. Menopausal symptoms,loss of spouse,reirement etc makes the syndrome worse.
To become a parent is a joy but becoming a grand parent is an ecstasy. So even if the children[son and daughter-in-law]
have left thehouse in pursuit of their career and the grand children are left with the grand parents the syndrome will not creep in.Grand children are more at ease and happy with grand parent and they in turn are more willing to listen and answer and allow them to have the last word.It is only when the joint family branches off to nuclearisation the syndrome makes its apperance.
The grand parents are fully aware and accept the fact that their children and grandchildren chose to leave for better job prospects and children education. This is where the sense of emptiness swallows them.Not that they are possesive
but he grief is that there is no grand children for storey telling and their inability to see their children coming home safely for the night.
I do agree some grand mother may feign many symptoms to keep their children with them.
HOW TO AVOID AND OVERCOME EMPTY NEST SYNDROME:
1]Antciipate and act:
Time willcome when the children and grand children have to leave behind the grandparents andmove to different place
In India it is usually the son and daughter-in -law lives with the parents..It is well known that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not get along well especially if the daughter-in-law is also a money spinner..Hence it is all the better for the parents to anticipate such a time and plan well in advance.
2]planning
a]hobby: either renew or embrace a new hobby to keep your mind active
b}part time job especially when your spouse is dead.
c]go on holiday.
d]socialise and seek new friendship
e]spiritual guidance.
No doubt any of the above will help to wipe out the grief..
But hte absence of children and grand children and the laugh and good time you had with them is always lingering in your mind.Mothers have grown up showering tender love to children and takes great pride as such.
In this context I pesonally feel that greatest solace a mother can get is by adopting a child if she can afford or
by visiting,interacting and showering her compssionate tender love to orphanage children regularly
At this jucture I like to rewrite the poem about my mother[earlier submitted to p4poetry.com ]
She can only be a MOTHER
Written by dr.raju at
May 16, 2008
Loading ...123 Views of Total 1,130,644
WITH A CLEAR BLUE SKY ABOVE
FLUFFY COTTON WOOL WHITE CLOUDS BELOW
RECLINING IN THE WINDOW SEAT
GLANCING THROUGH THE WINDOW
BOEING ONWARD BOUND TO U.K
RECAPITULATING THE MOMENTS AT CHENNAI AIRPORT
WITH A TREMBLING LIPS
TEAR DROP CURTAIN
BLURRED VISION
WITH A HEAVY HEART
HOW SHE COULD MANAGE
TO WAVE WITH A STEADY HAND
AND PUT UP A SMILE
SHE CAN ONLY BE A MOTHER
This refers to the sense of grief and emptiness in the mind nest of the parents when their children after getting married
move out of the house to alternate city or abroad where better prospects are alluring.
The syndrome comprises of assortment of symptoms.
1]anxiety,2]depression,3]emptiness,4]loneliness,5]lack of sleep,appetite etc
It is the mother more than the father is affected with this syndrome for she had the best intimacy with the child from pregnancy ,breast feeding and in attending to the daily chores, whereas the affectionate father is more of a bread winner and family adminstrator. Menopausal symptoms,loss of spouse,reirement etc makes the syndrome worse.
To become a parent is a joy but becoming a grand parent is an ecstasy. So even if the children[son and daughter-in-law]
have left thehouse in pursuit of their career and the grand children are left with the grand parents the syndrome will not creep in.Grand children are more at ease and happy with grand parent and they in turn are more willing to listen and answer and allow them to have the last word.It is only when the joint family branches off to nuclearisation the syndrome makes its apperance.
The grand parents are fully aware and accept the fact that their children and grandchildren chose to leave for better job prospects and children education. This is where the sense of emptiness swallows them.Not that they are possesive
but he grief is that there is no grand children for storey telling and their inability to see their children coming home safely for the night.
I do agree some grand mother may feign many symptoms to keep their children with them.
HOW TO AVOID AND OVERCOME EMPTY NEST SYNDROME:
1]Antciipate and act:
Time willcome when the children and grand children have to leave behind the grandparents andmove to different place
In India it is usually the son and daughter-in -law lives with the parents..It is well known that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not get along well especially if the daughter-in-law is also a money spinner..Hence it is all the better for the parents to anticipate such a time and plan well in advance.
2]planning
a]hobby: either renew or embrace a new hobby to keep your mind active
b}part time job especially when your spouse is dead.
c]go on holiday.
d]socialise and seek new friendship
e]spiritual guidance.
No doubt any of the above will help to wipe out the grief..
But hte absence of children and grand children and the laugh and good time you had with them is always lingering in your mind.Mothers have grown up showering tender love to children and takes great pride as such.
In this context I pesonally feel that greatest solace a mother can get is by adopting a child if she can afford or
by visiting,interacting and showering her compssionate tender love to orphanage children regularly
At this jucture I like to rewrite the poem about my mother[earlier submitted to p4poetry.com ]
She can only be a MOTHER
Written by dr.raju at
May 16, 2008
Loading ...123 Views of Total 1,130,644
WITH A CLEAR BLUE SKY ABOVE
FLUFFY COTTON WOOL WHITE CLOUDS BELOW
RECLINING IN THE WINDOW SEAT
GLANCING THROUGH THE WINDOW
BOEING ONWARD BOUND TO U.K
RECAPITULATING THE MOMENTS AT CHENNAI AIRPORT
WITH A TREMBLING LIPS
TEAR DROP CURTAIN
BLURRED VISION
WITH A HEAVY HEART
HOW SHE COULD MANAGE
TO WAVE WITH A STEADY HAND
AND PUT UP A SMILE
SHE CAN ONLY BE A MOTHER
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
MY LIFE AFTER RETIREMENT
WHY I RETIRED ?
First of all when one is alive and active how can there be retirement in life ?We disengage from one career and engage in different profession
to remain active and happy. I t is oft quoted that Surgeons don't retire since either their hands are itchy or the relatives and his patients don't allow them to retire for their own selfish reasons. I have achieved most of my professional ambitions and having my children well settled I have drawn a line of contentment and decided to pursue a different life style after convincing my family and my grateful patients. This is response to my inner voice calling to do something different somewhat different for some years now. It took nearly 2 years to plan to choose a different life style I have chosen a different life style engaging myself with agriculture and promoting activities of my mother’s trust establishing a senior citizens retirement home, day care centre, and possibly establishing a pre school. My wish is also to construct a free marriage hall at my native place..Analysing what i am going to miss or loose and what I stand to gain after choosing a different life style the gain features scored over loss.. Let me narrate what they are.
WHAT I STAND TO MISS?
It is more of miss rather than a loose
First of all I miss my patients. the challenge of diagnosing, the thrill of operating, and accepting the gratitude of the patient. the smiling face and the body language says it all. In no other profession one can get such heart felt gratitude. This cannot be bought for any price.
I miss my colleagues and fellow doctors very dearly. The gettogether, reminences of good old days, healthy discussion, helping hand under difficult situations will remain green in my memory.
Opportunity to get exposed to newer developments, attending conferences seminar etc Attending conferences at different cities is an opportunity to meet old friends ,specialist in a chosen field, and also sight seeing the important places, going on a safari etc..These are badly missed
Reduce income: During my active professional life I have enjoyed certain luxuries and materialistic wealth. With reduced income after retirement I should think twice before buying things which are not basic necessities .then that will amount to robbing my own back account. I have saved enough wealth for my future life so that I need not depend on my children. I have also taken mediclaim policy to take care of any future health problem
I am fully aware that whatever I miss can never be regained. I have pondered over these points for a long time. The longer the time I took, the picture emerged clear that I will be experiencing the same benefits and contacts much like my earlier years. I am always reminded the golden words of LORD BUDHA that human birth is a s rare as a morning star. I am also fully aware that I will not be called up for a second opinion, or advise and slowly the image I have established as a surgeon will fade away. After great contemplation I have decided to seek a different life style wherein I will be able to answer my inner voice. Now it is time for me to draw a line of contentment regarding professional life. All these years I have lived for my children and patients and now it is time to live for myself.
WHAT I HAVE GAINED?
1] TIME
a] Time for myself
The most valuable gain is the time for myself. I am free to choose what I want to do rather than what I have to do. I am free to alter my schedule to suit my other engagements,, programme etc even at the last minute. I am only answerable to my inner voice. Daily wakeup time, bed time may be changed to suit my engagements. I am able to spend time for yoga, exercise, meditation etc at a leisurely pace. There is more than enough time to remain in solitude, introspect with, conscious breath. to remain in solitude is indeed is a great boon for seniors like us wherein we realize our shortcomings, egoism. Silence in solitude motivates us to become compassionate with love and empathy. I am able to spend an hour a day with my system wherein I am able to see many of inspirational thoughts, motivational anecdotes. Retirement jokes etc gives me food for thought, while rejuvenating my spirit and self belief. I have ample time for leisurely reading magazines like readers digest, eternal solutions, dignity foundation, national geographic Tamil magazines like pasumai vikadan, naveena velamai, and books like Taming the tiger by Rinponche, How to live life a digest edition, art of happiness a conversation with Dalai lama, Sphere of silence by Vijay Easwaran,reflection by Akbar Ali Jetha, I find and achieve immense joy and happiness by daily repeatedly reading golden words by Vijay Easwaran and Akbar Ali Jetha Another most valuable asset is that I have established contact with citizens with different life style people in the forest department, agriculture and other social activities. It is really soul satisfying to meet people with alternate interest and learn from them and exchange views . I have been fortunate to become a member of laughter club and tree growers association I love trees and as such I have stated planting trees like Milia dubia, kumil, pungai, etc. Plans are also to start organic farming at mangarai.
B} Time for my family with children.
Now I have enough time to be with family and children. It is a pleasure to take my grand children for a walk, horse ride and around the park when they enjoy I feel fulfilled with contentment. Children also fell free relaxed with our company and not afraid to express themselves freely. at times we are loss for words to reply to their why? When? And how?. As I used to quote often it is joy to become a father but becoming a grand father is really an ecstasy beyond compare .Now I have time to attend family functions and spend some time with them
2} THE ART OF LISTENING:
The value of this art I have realized only after retirement. Listening to my patients and family members they are happy after having expressed their sufferings opinion in their own words and develop confidence in me . I am also able to understand their character, behavior, temperament etc.I am also becoming more mature and influences me to develop compassion, and care.
Quite likely the lingering I ego in me will be got rid of soon. I have learnt a lot and still learning .Slowly I have become to respect others opinion and views and not trying to contradict them
3} STRESS FREE LIFE:
For a surgeon there is always a certain amount stress operating and until the patient is discharged. Now I don’t worry when cell phone or the front door bell rings. In fact I sleep better undisturbed and wake up fresh. I have leisurely meals enjoying every bite of it as such my digestion and bowel habits are at ease.
4} ROLE AS P.R.O [i.e.] PATIENT REFERAL OFFICER
Over the last 40 years of professional carrier I have developed wide circle of patient clientele. To maintain the rapport and the confidence of my grateful patients I continue to see some of my grateful patients, do only the basic tests and refer them to appropriate specialist if my service by that way is going to help my patients I am happy for them.
First of all when one is alive and active how can there be retirement in life ?We disengage from one career and engage in different profession
to remain active and happy. I t is oft quoted that Surgeons don't retire since either their hands are itchy or the relatives and his patients don't allow them to retire for their own selfish reasons. I have achieved most of my professional ambitions and having my children well settled I have drawn a line of contentment and decided to pursue a different life style after convincing my family and my grateful patients. This is response to my inner voice calling to do something different somewhat different for some years now. It took nearly 2 years to plan to choose a different life style I have chosen a different life style engaging myself with agriculture and promoting activities of my mother’s trust establishing a senior citizens retirement home, day care centre, and possibly establishing a pre school. My wish is also to construct a free marriage hall at my native place..Analysing what i am going to miss or loose and what I stand to gain after choosing a different life style the gain features scored over loss.. Let me narrate what they are.
WHAT I STAND TO MISS?
It is more of miss rather than a loose
First of all I miss my patients. the challenge of diagnosing, the thrill of operating, and accepting the gratitude of the patient. the smiling face and the body language says it all. In no other profession one can get such heart felt gratitude. This cannot be bought for any price.
I miss my colleagues and fellow doctors very dearly. The gettogether, reminences of good old days, healthy discussion, helping hand under difficult situations will remain green in my memory.
Opportunity to get exposed to newer developments, attending conferences seminar etc Attending conferences at different cities is an opportunity to meet old friends ,specialist in a chosen field, and also sight seeing the important places, going on a safari etc..These are badly missed
Reduce income: During my active professional life I have enjoyed certain luxuries and materialistic wealth. With reduced income after retirement I should think twice before buying things which are not basic necessities .then that will amount to robbing my own back account. I have saved enough wealth for my future life so that I need not depend on my children. I have also taken mediclaim policy to take care of any future health problem
I am fully aware that whatever I miss can never be regained. I have pondered over these points for a long time. The longer the time I took, the picture emerged clear that I will be experiencing the same benefits and contacts much like my earlier years. I am always reminded the golden words of LORD BUDHA that human birth is a s rare as a morning star. I am also fully aware that I will not be called up for a second opinion, or advise and slowly the image I have established as a surgeon will fade away. After great contemplation I have decided to seek a different life style wherein I will be able to answer my inner voice. Now it is time for me to draw a line of contentment regarding professional life. All these years I have lived for my children and patients and now it is time to live for myself.
WHAT I HAVE GAINED?
1] TIME
a] Time for myself
The most valuable gain is the time for myself. I am free to choose what I want to do rather than what I have to do. I am free to alter my schedule to suit my other engagements,, programme etc even at the last minute. I am only answerable to my inner voice. Daily wakeup time, bed time may be changed to suit my engagements. I am able to spend time for yoga, exercise, meditation etc at a leisurely pace. There is more than enough time to remain in solitude, introspect with, conscious breath. to remain in solitude is indeed is a great boon for seniors like us wherein we realize our shortcomings, egoism. Silence in solitude motivates us to become compassionate with love and empathy. I am able to spend an hour a day with my system wherein I am able to see many of inspirational thoughts, motivational anecdotes. Retirement jokes etc gives me food for thought, while rejuvenating my spirit and self belief. I have ample time for leisurely reading magazines like readers digest, eternal solutions, dignity foundation, national geographic Tamil magazines like pasumai vikadan, naveena velamai, and books like Taming the tiger by Rinponche, How to live life a digest edition, art of happiness a conversation with Dalai lama, Sphere of silence by Vijay Easwaran,reflection by Akbar Ali Jetha, I find and achieve immense joy and happiness by daily repeatedly reading golden words by Vijay Easwaran and Akbar Ali Jetha Another most valuable asset is that I have established contact with citizens with different life style people in the forest department, agriculture and other social activities. It is really soul satisfying to meet people with alternate interest and learn from them and exchange views . I have been fortunate to become a member of laughter club and tree growers association I love trees and as such I have stated planting trees like Milia dubia, kumil, pungai, etc. Plans are also to start organic farming at mangarai.
B} Time for my family with children.
Now I have enough time to be with family and children. It is a pleasure to take my grand children for a walk, horse ride and around the park when they enjoy I feel fulfilled with contentment. Children also fell free relaxed with our company and not afraid to express themselves freely. at times we are loss for words to reply to their why? When? And how?. As I used to quote often it is joy to become a father but becoming a grand father is really an ecstasy beyond compare .Now I have time to attend family functions and spend some time with them
2} THE ART OF LISTENING:
The value of this art I have realized only after retirement. Listening to my patients and family members they are happy after having expressed their sufferings opinion in their own words and develop confidence in me . I am also able to understand their character, behavior, temperament etc.I am also becoming more mature and influences me to develop compassion, and care.
Quite likely the lingering I ego in me will be got rid of soon. I have learnt a lot and still learning .Slowly I have become to respect others opinion and views and not trying to contradict them
3} STRESS FREE LIFE:
For a surgeon there is always a certain amount stress operating and until the patient is discharged. Now I don’t worry when cell phone or the front door bell rings. In fact I sleep better undisturbed and wake up fresh. I have leisurely meals enjoying every bite of it as such my digestion and bowel habits are at ease.
4} ROLE AS P.R.O [i.e.] PATIENT REFERAL OFFICER
Over the last 40 years of professional carrier I have developed wide circle of patient clientele. To maintain the rapport and the confidence of my grateful patients I continue to see some of my grateful patients, do only the basic tests and refer them to appropriate specialist if my service by that way is going to help my patients I am happy for them.
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