living bridge

Sunday, March 1, 2009

EMPTY NEST SYNDROME

EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
This refers to the sense of grief and emptiness in the mind nest of the parents when their children after getting married
move out of the house to alternate city or abroad where better prospects are alluring.
The syndrome comprises of assortment of symptoms.
1]anxiety,2]depression,3]emptiness,4]loneliness,5]lack of sleep,appetite etc
It is the mother more than the father is affected with this syndrome for she had the best intimacy with the child from pregnancy ,breast feeding and in attending to the daily chores, whereas the affectionate father is more of a bread winner and family adminstrator. Menopausal symptoms,loss of spouse,reirement etc makes the syndrome worse.
To become a parent is a joy but becoming a grand parent is an ecstasy. So even if the children[son and daughter-in-law]
have left thehouse in pursuit of their career and the grand children are left with the grand parents the syndrome will not creep in.Grand children are more at ease and happy with grand parent and they in turn are more willing to listen and answer and allow them to have the last word.It is only when the joint family branches off to nuclearisation the syndrome makes its apperance.
The grand parents are fully aware and accept the fact that their children and grandchildren chose to leave for better job prospects and children education. This is where the sense of emptiness swallows them.Not that they are possesive
but he grief is that there is no grand children for storey telling and their inability to see their children coming home safely for the night.
I do agree some grand mother may feign many symptoms to keep their children with them.
HOW TO AVOID AND OVERCOME EMPTY NEST SYNDROME:
1]Antciipate and act:
Time willcome when the children and grand children have to leave behind the grandparents andmove to different place
In India it is usually the son and daughter-in -law lives with the parents..It is well known that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not get along well especially if the daughter-in-law is also a money spinner..Hence it is all the better for the parents to anticipate such a time and plan well in advance.
2]planning
a]hobby: either renew or embrace a new hobby to keep your mind active
b}part time job especially when your spouse is dead.
c]go on holiday.
d]socialise and seek new friendship
e]spiritual guidance.
No doubt any of the above will help to wipe out the grief..
But hte absence of children and grand children and the laugh and good time you had with them is always lingering in your mind.Mothers have grown up showering tender love to children and takes great pride as such.
In this context I pesonally feel that greatest solace a mother can get is by adopting a child if she can afford or
by visiting,interacting and showering her compssionate tender love to orphanage children regularly
At this jucture I like to rewrite the poem about my mother[earlier submitted to p4poetry.com ]


She can only be a MOTHER
Written by dr.raju at
May 16, 2008
Loading ...123 Views of Total 1,130,644
WITH A CLEAR BLUE SKY ABOVE
FLUFFY COTTON WOOL WHITE CLOUDS BELOW
RECLINING IN THE WINDOW SEAT
GLANCING THROUGH THE WINDOW
BOEING ONWARD BOUND TO U.K
RECAPITULATING THE MOMENTS AT CHENNAI AIRPORT
WITH A TREMBLING LIPS
TEAR DROP CURTAIN
BLURRED VISION
WITH A HEAVY HEART
HOW SHE COULD MANAGE
TO WAVE WITH A STEADY HAND
AND PUT UP A SMILE
SHE CAN ONLY BE A MOTHER

4 comments:

RAGHAVAN said...

Very interesting and useful topic.
Thanks=Raghavan

retirementlife said...

dear ragavan

nice of U to visit the site .would appreciate ur views reg the syndrome

Thomas C B Chua said...

Dr, you are right again. We have a big house when the children were around and now the house seems bigger because they have grown up and out of the house. We have learnt to cope with the big space left behind by the children who only visit once in a blue moon. When the dog died last month, the empty nest seemed emptier!!!

retirementlife said...

Very true Mr.Thomas..the house is emptier when the grand children are away.when a faithful dog dies the loss is unconsolable.in the context dog's death I would like to post a poem by AMRITA PRITAM

It's really something from the past—
when you and I split up
without any regrets—
just one thing that I don't quite understand . . .

When we were saying our farewells
and our house was up for sale
the empty pots and pans strewn across the courtyard—
perhaps they were gazing into our eyes
and others that were upside down—
perhaps they were hiding their faces from us.

A faded vine over the door,
perhaps it was confiding something to us
—or grumbling to the faucet.

Things such as these
never cross my mind;
just one thing comes to mind again and again—

how a street dog—
catching the scent
wandered into a bare room
and the door slammed shut behind him.

After three days—
when the house changed hands
we swapped keys for hard cash
delivered every one of the locks to the new owner
showed him one room after the other—
we found that dog's carcass in the middle of a room . . .
Not once had I heard him bark
—I had smelled only his foul odor
and even now, all of a sudden, I smell that odor—
it gets to me from so many things . . .